So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
