I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
