YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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