We're facebook friends in real life
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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