stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
