Can i not drive my cunt home
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
