didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
