She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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