Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Drunk is a universal language darling
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
