Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
