Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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