Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize