Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
