I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
