Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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