I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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