I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
