Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
