Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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