Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Is it because I queefed?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Randomize
