Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
