i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
