new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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