why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
