oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
