I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
