This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize