Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
