Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
