he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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