dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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