I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I checked into jail on foursquare
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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