Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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