chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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