I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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