I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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