Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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