I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
