He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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