what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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