This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
