..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
