i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize