i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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