how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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