I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize