I want to make a zoo with you.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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