I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
