Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
