turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
