then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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