ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
