Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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