imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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