I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
