she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
