Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
