I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We got so high we made milksteak
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
