I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize
