how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Can Purell be used as lube?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
