I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
