Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize