Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
