Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
