if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
