I can't watch pbs sober anymore
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize