sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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