There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dear god my vagina.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
