Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You need Xanax blowdarts
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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