i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
