By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
