it hurts more in the daytime
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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