well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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