my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
